What is a companion?

Kittens, I don't want to tempt fate but I feel like I am stepping back into my life as a companion. I hope you can sense the excitement this gives me, I missed Olivia and YOU so much over the last few months and starting to reunite has been truly wonderful. I therefore thought now was a good opportunity to share what being a companion actually means.

I will caveat this by admitting that I speak from fairly specific experience. My business is structured around a small, regular client base (which I adore). I first worked as a companion when I was just nineteen and only had two clients whom I saw very regularly. So when I re-entered this world in 2018 I followed a similar path. I now have a handful of clients, some I'll see a couple of times a month, others only three or four times a year. I rarely do short interludes and primarily do six hour, overnight and extended dates.

There are other styles of companion who may specialise in shorter dates and prefer to only see the same client 2-3 times. This might be because they have small children and therefore can't be away overnight, or simply, it's just their preference. Overnight dates are my favourite but they're emotionally and physically demanding and not everyone wants to be 'on' for that long. There are also providers who don't have other business endeavours and solely work as a companion, this could mean they choose to accept dates at shorter notice, take on more than one booking per day or that they have the freedom for international dates.

The point of that long intro was to highlight the varied nature of the industry. So the points below reflect me specifically (this is my website after all).

There isn't really a universal definition

With that caveat in mind, it can be hard to define a companion when trying to accomodate an entire industry. To me, being a companion is a very close friend. In some cases clients have become career mentors for me and I have become relationship or confidence mentors for them. I offer a space to unleash your personality, admit your flaws, failures and build confidence.

Although fundamentally I am a sex worker and I am proud to identify as part of that community. A huge amount of what I do is not sex. It's friendship, intimacy, trust, affection, freedom, love and kindness. Most of my dates span six hours or overnight, within that time we'll go for dinner, go for walks or watch a movie. Pre-corona we'd have attended an exhibition, visited a gallery, wandered around the architectural highlights of London, gone shopping, watched the ballet and so on. Much like a normal couple we have sex in the privacy of our room, although sometimes we might not.

I am not a walking sex toy ready to hike my dress up in a beautiful gallery to give you a glimpse of my lace knickers. I am too busy admiring the artwork and exploring with you. I am intelligent, well-travelled, educated, opinionated.

Companionship is not simply a nice word for prostitution. It is a unique paid friendship comprising consensual sex as well as many other things.

A sexual sanctuary

Sexuality is a complex topic provoking interesting conversations and discussions. Many of us (me included) have felt a sense of shame around our own sexuality at some point during our lives, or felt unsatisfied by the lack of opportunity to explore kinks and interests. Although I meet with single men and women, I also meet with married men. More often than not they have not had sex with their wives for many years or the relationship was never sexual. Many of them tell me that sex within their marriage was limited to penetrative sex.

Being dominant, unapologetically demanding and highly sexual means that I attract the kind of client who wants to please me. I am not always dominant in a traditional sense. Often it's simply that the sex is focussed on my pleasure. In our current society this is categorised as dominant because the 'norm' is to assume all women want to be submissive to men as standard, even vanilla leans towards submissive. There is so much beyond penetrative sex (although I adore that too), and as a companion I open a door to that exploration.

I do not judge women for leaning towards submission or not being as confident sexually. The contraceptive pill was only introduced in the UK in 1967 (53 years ago), and women taking it initially were seen as promiscuous. Women didn't openly and unapologetically have sex for pleasure until very recently, and there is a lot to be undone. The introduction of vibrators and female-friendly sex shops like Ann Summers has normalised female pleasure, clitoral stimulation and conversation. But we're only a short way into this journey. Many of my own friends refer to themselves as sluts for having casual sex or feel pressured by porn which centres around when the man finishes... Even I live out my own desires and explore these topics under a pseudonym without revealing my identity. I could write a book on this topic so I will move on for now.

I wrote a Beginner's Guide to BDSM for KLE recently which is mostly about communication. It sounds simple but it's the hardest part. How can you tell your wife of twenty years that you want her to sit on your face and put leather cuffs around your wrists? Being with a sexually liberated and experienced companion normalises talking about sex. We have our own boundaries of course, but I will tell you what feels good, how to touch and kiss my body in a way which can lead to an orgasm. I can also please you in new and interesting ways. I also meet with female clients and I have yet to meet with a trans client but I would love to. Not all companions are not limited to straight men and remember that not all providers are straight feminine women.

An incomparable lifestyle

The nature of this world is glamorous. My rates are higher than average because I like to attract a wealthy client base. I am the product of an expensive education and fortunate to have travelled to many unusual and barely accessible destinations in luxury. I am a collector of antique furniture, art (and now exquisite lingerie). I also have higher than average income in my other business and am fortunate to be very comfortable.Therefore when spending time with clients I like to be accompanied by someone with similar expectations. I have found that I tend to get beyond my rates because the clientele I meet with will give me tips, rarely discuss money, send generous vouchers in between bookings or offer to fund real-world projects like my current relocation.

This doesn't mean that I am pretentious and everything needs to be designer. Quite the opposite. I am understated and elegant and although a luxury hotel is my love language, I favour lesser-known boutique hotels with exceptional decor over the obvious chains. I also rarely wear clothing emblazoned with logos. To me luxury is quality, heritage, hand-made, ethical and I like a discerning clientele who understand the difference.

I don't want to look like I am glamourising this lifestyle as it is not for everyone. But I am currently reading 'Hustling Verse - An Anthology of Sex Workers Poetry'. And in the intro one of the authors wrote "When I was in my late teens I was taught the importance of self-representation. An elder told me not to wait for someone else to make me feel seen or heard but to find myself through those feelings of uncertainty and sadness. That lesson provided me with an important personal shift, almost jolting me awake to a different way of thinking. It also probably explains my incessant need to provide hypervisibility within my work as a writer and filmmaker. Since committing to my art, I keep in mind the same question–Why search for myself in failed narratives when I can create my own?"

That final sentence struck me and I closed the book and thought about it for a while before continuing to read. I too am a creator, I built a beautifully artistic brand and yet I often limit myself because I know that my experience is not representative of my entire community. But we all have voices by writing my own I am not silencing yours, I hope I am encouraging you to also write, create, share your own narratives too.

I asked one of my clients what a companion is to them

When writing this article I was chatting to one of my long-term clients who knows me exceptionally well. I decided to ask him what a companion is to him and this is what he said: "A companion is a lady who you are happy to build a long-term relationship with, purely because she is great company. A woman who you want to spend time with, who is alluring, beguiling, confident, fascinating, intelligent, someone who you can explore, and build new experiences with, someone to dine with, and if you’re very lucky a friend. An erotic-confidante, but also so much more than that. The ideal companion is unique allowing you to bond together to build unforgettable memories".

I hope that you enjoyed reading this blog. I love writing them, so if you do let me know.

Olivia Xx